UPG

kita memang bukan jodoh.
hanya kebetulan saling mengiringi.
kau tak butuh aku untuk tumbuh
dan aku tak butuh kamu untuk gembira.

kau tahu mauku dan sediakan ruang.
kuanggap kamu cukup ramah.

kutahu siapa yang kau sembunyikan.
daripadanya, kuingkari sejenak setia
dan kau pun tidak keberatan.

memang banyak rahasia kutitipkan kamu:
sisi kelamku, bau busukku, sakit hatiku,

selalu bisa kamu telan tanpa terpana
sementara aku butuh terpejam untuk melupa.

kita memang bukan jodoh.
kamu ingin terisi
dan aku ingin waras.
kurasa kita hanya saling melengkapi.

Makassar, 13 jul 2018

all i have is imagination.
flourished by solitude,
raised over hope and denial.
while reality is a constant change,
i keep nurturing overthinking.

a gambling played immature,

now it is the game playing its gambler
while the numbers and the guilt are mounting.
soon, maturity will be an excuse for self-forgiving.

Makassar, 29 jun 2018

As if you have nothing,
you're walking away from the arena.
Leaving behind all the cost you've paid,
hoping to carry no more the weight,
nor forgiveness you didn't seek.

I can't stop you.

I tried to, but you stop me.
A safer place is where you can't hurt them again, you said.
I envy you for that.

Mks, 26 mei 2018