trip to Penang 1

7okt 2024: Dad was taken to rs sentra medika cimanggis. He had pain in his left abdomen. Was hospitalized for 4 days with a diagnosis of irregular heart rythm.

8okt : lab result showed that Dad had hepatitis B

11okt : discharged from hospital

12okt : Nik dan Aji said Dad looks yellowish, but Mom said no. His weight was 51kg. Before, he had 60kg most of the time.

14okt : Nik and Aji took Dad for 2nd opinion to dr. Pauline at RS BSH bogor. lab result from BSH hosp. showed he had infection.

15 okt : radiology result from RS BSH stated Dad has hepatocellular carcinoma (hcc). Another lab result stated that Dad did has hepatitis B. Except Dad, we already knew the condition. 

18okt : follow up consultation to internist dr. Deni of RS sentra. Doctor read the lab and radiology result, confirmed that he has liver cancer. The largest mass was 7cm, there were other as large as 5cm and others less than 2cm. He referred Dad to RSCM becos RS Sentra couldnt handle it.

Also f/u consultation, to dr. Pauline at RS BSH. She said this is worst than she thought, the cancer made hep B + not important. There's a small number of hep B virus which probably a residu. 

19 okt - 1 nov : Dad still goes to his I-ching course alone, no escort, taking gojek and train and walk to Kota. He doesnt eat much. Looks thinner.

Registration to RSCM via mobile JKN failed. Dad made some calls and browsed the web. Call center RSCM informed him that registration had to be done from RSCM app. Took 5 days until Dad received a date for visit. Went to RSCM and his laboratory and radiodiagnostik were read by internal medicine interns. Interns said he had to undergo blood test again, then was scheduled for fibroscan on 13 nov the soonest, with schedule to consult fibroscan result 10days after the scan.

Inel suggested to treatment in Penang. Dad and Mom agreed. Nik an Aji disbursed their saving to pay for flight and cash-in-hand. I looked for the flight, one way, and accomodation. 

6nov : Dad Mom and I left to airport at 0:30am. Queueing in check-in counter took me 1 hour to finally check-in our flight. Because request for wheelchair was not made in advance, it took almost 60 minutes to go to boarding room, with me pushing the wheelchair. 3:25 we reached the boarding room. Boarding was scheduled at 3:45, but delayed. Flight was supposed to leave at 4:25, but actually depart by 4:55.

Landed late in KL due to heavy rain. An airplane staff took Dad with wheelchair. Dad was still able to walk as normal as he had been, but couldnt walk fast and got tired. Mom is also tired because flight to Penang was ready. Immigration check was easy. 

We were sleepy throughout our flight. Mom had her inflight meals, Dad didnt.

Our 2 bags didnt reach Penang, so had to register to lost and found section

 I bought local simcard 0134051252 for communication. Aji had prepared modem amd credit for us to be used in Penang. The modem works and can connected Mom and Dad to internet. 

We took grab to a koay tiaw restaurant. We had our lunch and asked many questions to a servant who is a javanese and hasbeen working in Penang for 15 years. 

We walked for about an hour to our accomodation. It was 1,2 km. Dad could make it. 

About 3 pm, our luggage was delivered to the accomodation at jl. Mandalay no.14. 

For dinner, Dad had ee fuu mee, which he spent only half. Mom ate fried koay tiaw and I had tom yam fried rice. 

 

resepsi DjT

do you mind?

unlike blood, which flows within veins and is purified by kidneys, the mind travels far and beyond our self and no organs can leash it, except the mind itself.

the mind is an autonomous intangible being, hosted by brain and infected by feelings.

Clg, 24jul23

Over 2 years since I last wrote. I've been living a new role since I left Makassar in early 2021. Still feel like a puzzle, as some pieces I had not had is now in place, but at the same time, I kinda lost some other pieces. This lose-not lose feeling somehow remains a loneliness within. Still feel like the hole never leaves me.

I no longer write, due to inability to syntesize, capture, or simply say how I feel, what I think, what I want to memorize.

Clg,10mar23

what I've done

2014, I accepted an offer to lead a psychosocial unit in Makassar.

2015, I left the unit and joined a project for preventing blindness in children.

2016, the project set up an office in Makassar, while struggling for acceptance. I started to write my diary again.

2017, the program finally had a team of 7. It took off slowly and later, gained reputation for its unusual objective and comorehensive approach. I was almost collapsed. 

2018, the project presence was expected in any other district, but permit was slow it down. The team grew, from 7 to 9. My partner left to pursue better opportunity 

2019, I led the team running across 19 districts. The team grew to 16, pax at one point, even to 19. The project received additonal donation: spectacles.

2020, I was still pushing the team to run, but the world had to stop due to the covid19 pandemic. Timeline was delayed for 3 months and fortunately, was extended till end of 2020. The team grew to 21. Last semester, we all had to risk our lives by travelling, organizing service, meeting, reporting, unsyncronized data, rejection. All of those targets were achieved in mid december and the team disbanded on 30dec.

2021 january, I am leaving the city; leaving behind all the sweet and the bitter memory as a leader, a friend, an organizer, a traveller. I'll be facing new delightful, yet frightening role: a husband, a father, a son; roles I've abandoned for 6 years.

PS: I haven't been able to define how I feel. I don't know what these 6 years have meant for me or made me. Like a flatline. I think I've been dead inside, but not disoriented nor proud. Neither is guilt nor happy blossoms in me. 

Luckily somehow, I have captured my sanity and insanity state and written them.

Mks, 3jan2021

a memorial of my 40th

Hasan Aspahani, "Pena sudah diangkat, Kertas sudah mengering"

2014 - 2020 Sulsel

dari kiri ke kanan, atas ke bawah:

Sinjai, Enrekang, Nias, Makassar, Selayar, Palopo

pulang

supaya kutahu

aku kembali,
dalam kilas-kilas kenangan
dan berpotong-potong cungkilan.
rasaku hambar,
setelah berulang kali terbenam.
putus asa masih bergelayutan,
masih riang menyongsong
setiap ide yang diungkap.

aku kembali,
hanya untuk mengulang-ulang masa lalu.
merayakan produktifitas yang kian menyusut.
tidak kusesali,
mungkin tidak mampu kusesali.

sekali lagi,
aku hanya kembali.
supaya aku tahu, aku mampu kembali.

Mks, 8jun2020

AFO

kamu,
sebuah abstrak yang tertata,
helaian rambut tipis terhambur
mengaburkan leher jenjang
yang menopang sorot berhasrat
dan memangku beban perseteruan.

kamu,
yang elok mengarungi angka-angka,
sebuah keindahan yang aku tak pahami.

Mks, 17sept2019

memancing

ada kala aku ingin memancing,
cerita-cerita lama yang membuat kita terkancing,
sembari mengisi jeda di ruang luring.


Mks, 17sept2019

infeksi

aku simpan senyummu
dalam sebuah bingkai ingatan.
penanda waktunya pernah tercetak,
lalu luruh dikaburkan niat.

senyummu masih tetap gagah,
berulang kali kulihat wujudnya
terukir tegas pada wajah-wajah
yang pernah berharap.

Mks, 27apr2019

kamar kos

sebaris rekah menjaga ruangnya
dari daya tipu mata yang memangsa
kelenggangan harga kesendirian.
ia selalu berkata,
ruangku ladang berdamai
dari kemalasan pengaturan,
dari serpih-serpih tembakau,
dari goda-goda asesoris priyayi;
ruangku sediakan kesepian
yang kau butuhkan,
juga semaikan serakah yang kau lakukan.

Mks, 27apr 2019