tuhan bingung.
tuhan bingung karena malaikat
tuhan bingung karena malaikatnya ngambek

malaikat ngambek.
malaikat ngambek setelah liat manusia
malaikat ngambek setelah liat manusia saling jatuh cinta

manusia jatuh cinta.
manusia harus jatuh cinta karena tidak sempurna
manusia harus jatuh cinta karena tidak sempurnanya harus disempurnakan dengan berpasangan

tuhan mbikin manusia supaya berpasangan.
tuhan... lo bikin malaikat berpasang-pasangan ga?
tuhan... lo bikin malaikat ngambek karena malaikat ga tau mesti jatuh cinta sama siapa
tuhan... bukan cuma manusia yang mesti kau kasihi, malaikat-malaikatmu butuh perhatian juga

lo tau, han, gw bilang ini karena gw ga banyak tentang lo.

teluk dalam, 14 desember 2006.

magabut

makanya bisa mengisi blog dengan tulisan2 tak berguna itu. karena kapasitas otakku tak bguna.

senandungmu aneh.
padahal, suaramu merdu.

senyummu renyah,
walau lekuk bibirmu menanda kalah.

tatapmu lembut,
sandiwara untuk para lelaki kah?

kupikir kau cerdas,kupikir-pikir lagi...
tidak. kau tidak secerdas itu. kau hanya....
ulet. ulet dan gigih.

kau bilang kau pengalah.tapi kulihat matamu
dan kutemukan sosok penyelinap.

kau hanya kalah,
pada bayangan di muka cermin.
atau di penglihatan si buta !!!

teluk dalam, nias, 26 oktober 2006, 10.28pm

apa yang aku mau tau tentang dirimu?

kupikir semua cerita tentang dirimu.
cerita-cerita masa lalu yang membuatmu berisi, punya arti
atau mungkin cerita-ceritamu itu yang memberi makan kepercayaan diriku?
ya, benar juga apa adanya!
cerita dari bibirmu itu bukan kata-kata, melainkan angka-angka.
dan jarum khayal dalam benakku bergulir ke kanan dan ke kiri, menjadi saksi harga diriku.

kau tau, manisku?
semua ucapku adalah untuk membeli keyakinanku,
bahwa aku ingin merasa berharga buatmu.
sungguh!!!

teluk dalam, nias, 26 oktober 2006, 10.15pm

ngaco

semua yang kuinginkan ada padamu.
ingin kuletakkan semua yang pernah kumimpikan
di hadapanmu,
biar kamu saja tentukan nasibku.

maka, aku pergi.
hanya untuk mencari pilihan lain.
cuma sebuah cara melarikan diri,
bukan cara untuk menyadarkan diri.
dan pergi hanya semakin menguatkan
pelukan-pelukan yang belum pernah diberikan.

bagaimana mungkin rasa bisa memilih,
karna rasa cenderung mabuk.
dan dalam mabuknya, rasa tidak pernah bisa ingkar.

pengingkaran yang tak ada guna !

nias, sebuah pulau impian. bener2 ga nyesel untuk datang ke pulau ini. pulau indah dengan penghuni yang indah.
sepinya malam, akrabnya penduduk, hantu dendam perang antar öri(semacam area kekuasaan bangsawan), tuak suling, perempuan cantik, orang tua tak berbahasa indonesia, nyaring suara debur ombak, babi panggang, jalan utama tanpa lampu, malu-malu sinyal hape, mitos mistique, kawin muda, janda muda beranak dua, anak kecil pemecah batu karang, wanita tua mengeduk pasir.
sebuah peradaban dalam langkah menuju moderenisasi. merenggangkan ikatan kebersamaan dalam kesulitan, mengencangkan persaudaraan dalam kebahagiaan.situasi kondusif untuk mengembangkan empati dan ketegasan, fleksibilitas dan keteguhan. harus juga menahan diri supaya tidak merusak budaya asli nias yang makin tergerus dengan materialisme, city-people wanna be.

simeulue, 16 september 2006

kau memang angkuh.
dan memang bersembunyi,
dalam kesibukanmu
dalam kesendirianmu.
tak apalah.
kurasa bukan aku yang kau cari

aku hanya ingin senyummu,
sebuah jendela hati yang tak sengaja kau buka

saat kau tersenyum,
keangkuhanmu runtuh !

dan kau keluar dari persembunyian,
memunculkan jati diri yang lembut & tegar.

cuma saja aku ingin kau tahu,
senyummu menghancurkan semua kebijakanku !

language

there is a kind of language that only 2 persons understand. that language is developed in a natural way, of course along with their togetherness and mutual interest of the users.

it may take a form of a term, a behaviour, or a word and it can only be understood by the two. their definition to the language takes some time to developed, tries to figure out what the other was trying to say.

it is a nice way to have that language. i sometimes developed the language with whom i feel close with.

regret

why the fuck did i do dat same mistakes again and again?
harrassing is not a good habit. in some cases, it could become a type of gun to defend oneself. but if it is used against one who is innocent.... it would be a terrible mistake.

for the last 60 days, i have done that stupid action twice to two different persons.
to the first person, i apologized. she is luckily a nice person. she didn't say she forgives me, but i can sense that she has forgotten my stupidity; i was mislead some words that could be interpreted as a harrastment.
what makes me guilty is that at almost the same time, she had been harrassed too, verbally, i think.. she didnt mention. i just feel guilty that i know she have had a hard time through it and i do that to her again.

the other person is also a nice one. a though, proactive, well-built, simple woman. we had a one nice sharing at some afternoon. sat down and had a couple of cold-milky soda water few days before. i think i get too hard teasing her... and once again, i accidentally misspoken. i didnt mean to, i just want to have another nice conversation again.

so stupid.

we both know,
there's something unspoken about us.

there're times
when we had nice conversations.
and there're times
when we had silly arguments.
i realize those are moments we both enjoy.

we keep our distance apart,
but also keep our emotional bound tightly.

and that something unspoken is remain unspoken.
i tried to talk and i denied it myself.
while you're trying to say it implicitly,
i remained a dumb, a real dumb.

do we enjoy our situation?
do we want to stay this way?
where will we go when this thought have been spoken?
will we still be the way we are ?

(me trying hard to write what i have in mind)

when two persons get closer, some good and beautiful thing might happen to them.
and the hope is stay closer and supportive one another. the thing that might happen is to blend-in, and create another unique identity; it makes them a unique relationship.

here i am talking about the flow of a relationship. there is some other good thing. that flow is a story. a life story. a love story.

we all have at least one story ourselves. we could have fallen in love with one of our classmate, we could have fallen in love but never engaged in a relationship, or had fallen in love some time ago and the love grow again.

they are all stories.

they are all memories.

one day in the future, we're going to laugh at that story !

Superman (It's Not Easy)
Five for Nothing

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird:
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd:but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed:but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right:You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy:or anything:

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

I'm more than a man in a funny red sheet
More than man looking for my dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
It's not easyIt's not easy
It's not easy to be me.


Im not superman. and certainly this song is not talking about me.

i m now listening to this song again and again. perhaps it's been running for 100 times. the story amazed me. today has been a terrible. i got stuck today and can't perform well in my office. i've made my superior upset, my colleagues mad, and a lovely woman yell out at me.
lol... it's been a frustating day.

it is a right to be weak, but it is not right to keep weak !!!!

saya lupa
bahwa kita harus hidup dengan warna
dan mewarnai semua yang kita sentuh, yang kita kenal

saya lalai
untuk menjaga hidup saya dengan warna
warna2 yang bermunculan karena cinta
karena dengan cinta,
saya mewarnai ucapan2 saya, tingkah laku saya,
dan membiarkannya menggerakan hati

saya lari
karena saya lupa dengan indahnya warna-warni
karena saya lalai untuk menjaga kesetiaan saya
karena saya takut untuk hidup dengan cinta

lalu,
membeku seperti batu
dan tetap menjulanglah tembok tebal nan tinggi,
menjaga diri supaya tidak tersentuh oleh kasih
dan saya khilaf.